Are you mean to yourself?

Self-talk is your ongoing conversation with yourself and what you say to yourself. Whether you are aware of it, you are having a constant conversation in your mind all the time. Like me, you probably are not using the proper self-talk either.

    My self-talk was not very good at all. I spoke badly to myself, not liking myself, so whenever I did something wrong, I would always say mean things to myself. I thought, well, if my parents couldn’t love me, how could I love me? The running conversation in my head about myself was never encouraging. Being my worst critic and enemy, I pulled myself down at every opportunity. I criticized everything about myself.

      Destructive self-talk is a habit that must be broken and changed. It was time for me to change my words from negative to positive. It’s time to change my negative self-talk to a positive one.

     I saw from God’s Word that God wanted me to love myself. Wow, that was a new thought! I didn’t know where to start. How was I going to do that? 

First, I had to accept myself for who I was. I was not a product of my childhood or a mistake waiting to happen. No! I was a child of the Highest God! I had to change my image and see myself as God sees me! He loved me, flaws and all! I had to realize that I was who I was and that there was only one in the world like me. I am unique.

     Second, I had to be kind to myself. I had to be my best cheerleader. If you do not support yourself, who will? I had to take pride in who I was. This is where my new self-talk had to change a lot.

        When I heard the word SELF-TALK, I didn’t know what it was. I understood that we all talk in our heads and often answer ourselves, too! But how frequently are we aware of the conversation in our head? It’s something that happens all day, every day. But once you take stock of it, you can soon find out whether you love and are being kind to yourself.

I had to change my self-talk to positive, not condemn and harmful. I had to make my words work for me and not against me. My self-talk created the foundation of who the new me would be, and I wanted it to be strong and positive. Your self-talk leads you; it’s the direction you choose to take your life.

     Your self-talk can change your mood from sad to happy or happy to sad. It’s the direction you give your mind to run your life, build or tear you down! It’s everything you say and think about you! Good or bad, and what do you believe about everything?

      I learned how to change my programming to change my life. Proper self-talk was critical. You will listen to yourself before you listen to anyone else. You will believe what you think first, no matter what others might say. How often do you get a compliment about how you look and answer back with a negative remark?

That’s your self-talk, speaking out loud. You are never too old to change your self-talk; you can change and rewire your thoughts to be positive and encouraging. Your thoughts wire your mind to succeed or fail. Day after day, word by word, you are programming your mind to what you want in life.

But are you sure that what you are saying is what you want in your life? Are you saying the things that you wish to, or are you speaking about what you are presently seeing? Notice your self-talk. What you are saying to yourself may surprise you!

Your self-talk is your conscious thoughts, and your unconscious thoughts are the thoughts you don’t even know you are thinking. What are you saying out loud and silently to yourself? Are you loving and encouraging yourself, or are you running yourself down all the time? My self-talk was like a repeat of what my dad used to say to me. It was the same tune, talking repeatedly.

It was like I had programmed myself to carry on where my dad had left off! I was taking his thoughts and making them a part of my life. As much as I was trying to escape it all, it was all still in my head. “Nothing good ever happens to me”. “I told you no one loves me.” “Of course, that always happens to me.” “I’m no good.” Whenever I did something and made a mistake, I would say, “Oh, you are so stupid”.

Now, you tell me, how will that kind of talk get me ahead in life? But the remarkable thing is that you can change your programming by changing your self-talk. You can say kind things to yourself, be nice, and support yourself. Be your own best friend. Be your cheerleader! Saying all the things you wish someone else would say to you.          You should love yourself with your self-talk. Say kind and beautiful, uplifting things to yourself. Help yourself and the person you want to be. This habit will change your entire outlook on life. Change the negative, false, counterproductive self-talk to encouraging, beautiful words. Have your own back!

So, what are you going to say when you talk to yourself? I made a list of some self-talk I said daily and slowly reprogrammed my mind. So, when something went wrong, instead of being mean to myself, I would say, “Don’t worry, Karin, you can do this. You will get this right because you are so smart.”

Although it might seem funny initially, thinking this way helped me stop making silly mistakes and get better results. Self-talk will change your life. It’s like giving yourself a good pep talk daily! Your self-talk will determine how you see yourself and how you see other people, too.

It will affect your overall life, including your relationships, well-being, moods, and children. You will find your life more fulfilling and purposeful.

This is an excerpt from my book - My Journey To Enjoying My Life.